I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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