I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
