his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
