It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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