I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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