normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
