I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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