How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
