yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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