she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
