Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
