she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
