So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
