My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
