I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think my fart just growled at me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
