no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
