It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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