Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
