either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
