She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
