Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
