1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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