why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
