Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
