i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
