how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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