guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
