i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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