My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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