I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
