3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
