bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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