Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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