I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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