he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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