Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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