I cockslap morals
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
