I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
