But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
