my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
