Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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