Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize