You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she peed on how many people?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
