Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
