And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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