guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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