this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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