I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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