Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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