After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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