you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize