I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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