Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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