just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
