im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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