There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is wine microwaveable?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
