Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I smell like Dick and happiness
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
