I think my vagina is haunted
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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