well I can't set my house on fire every night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
