He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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