One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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