He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
