My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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