I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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