thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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