she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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