I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
