That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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