My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
