Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
