he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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